I'll admit it – I'm staggered. I've been reading about the Bic Velocity retractable gel pen. It has a retractable point and comes in three colours. I admit, that doesn't sound too amazing; it's just like a standard gel pen that you might find in any office stationery cupboard. Right?
Wrong. This, ladies and gentlemen, appears to be some kind of super soldier office pen. One tested like no other, except perhaps those space pens that can write under water, upside down and onto thin air. (Perhaps.)
I've been looking at a spec sheet for the Bic Velocity and, well, it reads like a check list for a laboratory run by a super villain. I know Bic pens are famous worldwide, with, presumably, tens of millions of users, but this kind of product development feels a bit OTT.
Let me list just a few of the features list on the spec sheet for this, clearly very special, Bic pen.
• A cartridge with an 'optimized [sic] centrifugation process for air removal'.
• Tungsten carbide ball, which has 'high corrosion resistance' and is a perfect sphere.
• It has 'optimal prevention of leakage with hot melt and spring'.
You think the features of this space warrior retractable pen end there? If only; there's more and, frankly, I'm worried that this is the start of some kind of pens arms race that will end up with gel pens becoming sentient and taking over the world. (Maybe they'll take their revenge by using humans as office pens, turning us upside down and dipping us headfirst into huge pots of pen ink, using our hair to write with. Thank goodness I'm bald.)
But I digress. Bic's laboratory controls cover start up, writing quality, smoothness and laydown. Writing quality I can understand – it's a key feature of any good quality pen. But start up? That's the kind of phrase I normally associate with cutting edge-office computers, not pens.
Still under lab controls, we have this staggering list: mileage, aging, dry time, wearing, seepage, back leak, clear drain, cap off, line width, fungus development. Fungus development? Bic has gone above and beyond the call of duty when testing this retractable pen, I tell you. They've got you covered for things you'll almost certainly never encounter. It would be like buying a pair of shoes and finding out they come with home contents insurance.
But perhaps the two most staggering specs for the Bic Velocity pen are the fact that its ink has been tested by an external toxicologist and its heavy metal content by an external laboratory. Never before have I heard of any pen or office supplies company going to these lengths. I'm not saying Bic is the only company that does this, but it's the only one I've come across. What's more, they've gone to external groups to have these tests done. That's real dedication to producing a quality pen.
A quality pen that, will take over the world one day. Buy this if you'd like a technical marvel – otherwise stick with a pencil.
